If you could take back your worst memory, would you do it? If you answered yes, here’s your chance: scientists believe they have found a way to delete unwanted memories. A documentary has just been released detailing how scientists have learned to do this. They even designed a system for implanting false memories, and has successfully convinced subjects they’ve committed crimes that never took place (I have an easy time forgetting memories on me own)
The Grammy’s last night was littered with performances in every genre. Some we will remember forever, and some we hope to forget. All I know is I was happy seeing Dave Grohl rockin’ a red solo cup at his seat. More cause for celebration: Rihanna cancelled her performance due to bronchitis. However, Pitbull performed….soo, that happened. Adele’s performance was supposed to be a show stopper. But in this case, it was the microphones that stopped. The whole time she seemed like she was about to keel over and hyperventilate she was struggling so much to stay on key. Later she tweeted out that the mics fell onto the piano strings, causing the whole performance to sound out of tune. Lady Gaga performed her David Bowie tribute in full Bowie attire, proving she’s basically become a professional impersonator at this point. Julie Andrews, David Bowie, and that weird Pokemon character from the Super Bowl?? Hire this woman for your next birthday party!
Nissan is still working on a self-driving car, but in the meantime they’ve successfully created a self-driving office chair. Because let’s face it, no one should ever have to push in their own chairs after a business meeting. Nissan released a video demonstrating these new self-parking chairs, which sit on an electric swivel base and, with the clap of your hands, find the nearest desk under which to nestle themselves. No word on whether or not these chairs are available for purchase anytime soon, but will self-driving chairs take off?? Or are they more trouble than they’re worth?
Have you ever called in sick but thought to yourself “no one will notice I’m gone anyway?” Do you work in the rejected cubicle in the back where no one realizes you’re even there? Well, then maybe you should take a page from this man’s book: 69-year-old Joaquín García was able to skip work for six years without anyone knowing. In fact, he was only outed when his boss tried to give him an award for 20 years of loyal service, but he was nowhere to be found. Garcia’s job was to supervise the construction of a water plant, but he was really just staying home reading philosophy books. Since no one even noticed he wasn’t showing up, his job was pretty useless to begin with. The company he worked for has now fined him $30,000, which basically one year of his salary. Worth it.
Dr Dre and Apple have been working together for a while now, so it should come as no surprise that he’s involved in Apple’s next big adventure: a scripted television series. He’s starring and executive producing his own semi-autobiographical series called Vital Signs, which will be released on Apple Music and probably AppleTV as well. Each episode will focus on a different emotion and how Dre deals with each emotion. Sounds like a second season would be pretty tough if that’s the case. But when you’re that high-up at Apple, you can pretty much do whatever you want.
Whole Foods is the place to go for Marin housewives and bearded hipsters alike. After all, where else can you bond over $4 naval oranges? But apparently they’ve been having trouble attracting millennials, because they’re considering adding tattoo parlors into some of their locations. Wouldn’t you just love to shop for your organic carrot juice and then hop over to the next aisle to get your new tribal tat? The organic chain 365 is talking about all kinds of ways to attract millennial customers, this is just one of the ways they hope to do it. Other ways include more vinyl record selling and maybe even some more body care products. But they didn’t mention the biggest way to attract millennials: LOWERING PRICES.
As ladies, we hide all kinds of things inside their bras. Money, our phones, pepper spray, the list goes on. But over in Australia they seem to hide the harder stuff, which is why authorities have just seized 1.25 billion dollars worth of meth that was found hidden inside of bra inserts. Several shipping containers full of perfectly packaged brassieres were found with liquid meth or “ice” hidden inside. One spokesperson said, “This is the largest seizure of liquid methamphetamine in Australia’s history and one of the largest drug seizures in our country’s history,”
We know by now that animals are no long afraid of us. They’re learning our ways, adopting our habits, and planning their attack on the human race. But in the meantime, they’re snacking on our pets! Wildlife experts say the mountain lion population is increasing, presenting a real danger to small dogs and cats. They’ve examined the stomach contents of many mountain lions in various regions, and found that over half of them are filled with cats, dogs and other domesticated animals. In other animal takeover news: An aquarium in long beach is teaching sea lions how to use selfie sticks. They’ve fastened a gopro onto the training poles allowing sea lions to record themselves under water. They’re even adopting our selfish technological ways! We’re all going to die!
Here’s a Tesla model S that all of us 99%ers can actually afford: The Tesla Power Wheels! Radio Flyer has created a Barbie car-sized Tesla model S, with working headlights, a built-in sound system and batteries that recharge in under three hours. For $500 you can own your very own, teeny tiny Tesla. Sure, it only goes 3-6 miles per hour, but with Bay Area traffic you’re not going much faster than that anyway.