This is my favorite Tinder update so far. You no longer have to worry about making your own dating decisions. Now, you can make your friends do it for you! A new feature is being tested which allows your friends to find matches you might like and share them with you. Once your friend has shared a profile with you, you then have 72 hours or five clicks to respond. If you swipe right, your profile might then be suggested to the potential match. If you both swipe right, you’re friends have successfully played matchmaker. And according to science, successfully setting your friends up makes you happier, so it’s a win win.
How about a nice, cheap, chili cheese dog from Burger King? Yup, people couldn’t say that until now. But fast food restaurants competing with the likes of In & Out Burger are being forced to get creative. And creative for Burger King means adding a hot dog to their menu and the results are in: it’s their most successful menu item in years. It has been quite polarizing though. People who’ve eaten it say it’s an absolute disgrace. Others are posting pictures of them (and they look absolutely disgusting,) but others are saying they’re not bad and even though Burger King has barely begun publicizing the hot dog, they say they can’t believe how well they’re doing. They’ve been getting requests for a hot dog for years now, so I guess they’re just giving the people the horrible hot dogs they’ve been asking for.
The case of sportscaster Erin Andrews and the mysterious peephole has come to a close. And who won? The lawyers, basically. Well, Erin has been awarded $55 million dollars, half of which will come from the Marriot and the other half will come from the hotel operator and peephole stalker Michael Barrett. But that guy claims he’s already pretty much bankrupt already, so he probably doesn’t have $28 million dollars on-hand. Then of course the lawyers get roughly 40% of the winnings, and the Marriot will probably appeal and settle. Then of course there are taxes and fees, so after asking for $75 million and getting $55 million, Erin Andrews will probably get about $9.
If you’re fat and also want to be in the Navy, it’s your lucky day. The Navy is losing too many good sailors due to their spare tires, so they’re literally loosening their belts. Many people were failing the physical exams because of the body fat restrictions, and some were even resorting to liposuction to keep their careers afloat. Until now they’ve been kicking more people out for being fat than for drugs. So now, overweight sailors who have failed the physical tests have more chances to retake it, and they are allowed to have 4% more body fat. Women are allowed 3% more body fat. Our body fat percentage is generally higher, cuz boobs.
The funny thing about sponsors is that they really hate it when you commit crimes, and they especially hate it when athletes fail drug tests, which is why NIKE, Porsche, and TAG Heuer have all suspended their campaigns with Maria Sharapova after she made the announcement yesterday that she failed the drug test at the Australian Open. She tested positive for meldonium, which she says she’s been taking for ten years for health reasons, but it was recently added to the list of banned substances and she claims she missed that email, so a missed email is the reason the world’s highest paid female athlete is no longer worth $200 million dollars.
Strip clubs can be dangerous. Not just because of the things you could get from touching the poles, but also because of what happens to your head after a stripper kicks it with some 7 inch heels. A woman is suing a strip club for $100,000 because she claims a stripper kick to the head has left her “lame and disabled.” She visited the Headlights Gentleman’s club in Virginia and was seated in the front row, right next to the stage. When Envy came on to perform, she kicked the woman in the head with the heel of her heel and now the woman says she’s sick, sore, and unable to attend to her lawful affairs, whatever that means. She thinks it’s the fault of the club owners because they should have known it wasn’t safe to sit that close to Envy.
The Super Bowl has come and gone, and the city spent roughly $5 million dollars making it all happen. Many thought we would lose money from hosting all the festivities, but now that the results are in they are saying just the opposite. In fact, San Francisco took home an additional 4.6 million dollars in revenue and the airport saw a 56% increase in flight activity. And Mayor Ed Lee is saying I told you so. He said “This is just another example of how Super Bowl 50 created jobs and opportunities for our residents and for the entire San Francisco Bay Area region.”
Cookies are good. Girl scout cookies are very good. Supercookies? Not so much. Supercookies are what allow companies like Verizon to track the data on our phones and basically follow us all over the internet. But thankfully, the FCC has had enough. They are cracking down on the use of the supercookie. They have ordered Verizon to pay a 1.35 million dollar fine and customers from now on can opt-out of this feature. Unless you really like it when Verizon targets ads for you based on your web searches. In that case, change nothing.
This is what goes on in Kevin’s hometown of Bethesda, Maryland, some frat boys were having a party that might cost them up to $275,000 in fines. There were about 300 people packed into a small house, causing the temperature to rise to roughly 100 degrees and all of them drinking so much alcohol that the air in the house had a .09 alcohol content. The air in the house was over the legal drinking limit. Authorities are not sure if that’s because of everyone’s booze breath or if they had put alcohol in an air purifiers. Either way, impressive. The hosts may be charged $2,500 for each under age drinker, and one of the party’s hosts was a guy named Jamieson Tymann. If you have a name like Jamieson, it is your duty to throw frat parties.